Somebody...

Somebody hopes that someday you will see, that somebody's me...

Empty feeling...

I hate that empty feeling in my chest...

...

Thank You for showing me the right way...

Nothing is too hard...

"O Sovereign LORD! You have made the heavens and earth by Your great power. Nothing is too hard for You!" (Jeremiah 32:17)

I wish...

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why...

Something...

Something has broken inside...

Szeretet

"Önmagában a szeretet nem elég. Féltő gonddal kell őrködnünk az emberek felett, akiket szeretünk. Sosem elég azt mondani, szeretlek, hanem minden áldott nap ki is kell mutatnunk azt a szeretetet, még olyankor is, amikor akadályokat gördít elénk az élet."
Jane Green

It's not so easy...

Who's gonna stop this stupid war that nobody's gonna win...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TBKUAVjbfE

Sometimes...

Sometimes, the words that are the most important are the ones left unsaid...

Today I feel...

... disappointed, sad, angry, sick at heart, upset, confused, hurt, shocked and worried :(

BUT as I wrote earlier...
"You can break down a woman temporarily, but a real woman will always pick up the pieces, rebuild herself, and come back stronger than ever."

Stronger than ever...

Loooong fall break... I felt blue on the very first day then I realized...

"You can break down a woman temporarily, but a real woman will always pick up the pieces, rebuild herself, and come back stronger than ever." 

Soooo it was a really good break...

Sunshine, walking in the forest, having fun, spa, hot water, sauna, cooking, baking, Gréti and friends, riding a bike, delicious cakes, cinema, McDonald's, shopping, ZUMBA, ZUMBA, ZUMBA, pizza, spa again, dog, studying at nights, cleaning the house, washing the curtains, cleaning the windows, washing the clothes, having fun with friends, Halloween ZUMBA party, candies, loud music...

School tomorrow... somehow I will survive :)

Sometimes... or again and again...

......
Sometimes it’s hard to say no when you really mean yes, it’s hard to close your eyes when you really want to see, it’s hard to forget when you really can’t and the hardest is to go when you really want to stay... (T.M.)

When you are most unhappy...

"Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain." 

"Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows."

  Helen Keller 

ZUMBA!!!

Zumba always helps me to reborn!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdgHuYFndW0

Let go, give up and move on...

... let go when you' re hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, move on when things are not like before...

then I have to let go, give up an move on...

It still hurts...

It still hurts...

Az élet...

Az élet megtanított arra, hogy mikor harcoljak valakiért és mikor álljak félre, ha nem szeretnek! Megtanított arra is, hogy mikor a legfontosabb döntéseket hozom, jól döntsek! Azt is megmutatta, hogy sok embert elvesztek, és néhány embert el kell majd engednem, akiket szeretek, de erősnek kell lennem, és arra kell gondolnom, hogy mások számítanak rám! Idővel begyógyulnak a sebek. Aki elment, az nem jön vissza... Persze ebből természetesen sok minden nem igaz. Az élet csak remélni tanított meg. Remélni azt, hogy tudjam, mikor kell harcolni, s félreállni. Remélni, hogy jó döntést hozok, mikor döntést kell hoznom. Remélni, hogy akit elvesztek, annak jobb lesz, és én majd erős tudok maradni, hogy továbblépjek, és csak a jó emlékeket őrizzem meg. Remélni, hogy begyógyulnak a sebek, a legmélyebbek is...

ZUMBA :)

I love ZUMBA! I can totally forget everything when I'm dancing :)))) perspiration, water, loud music, good friends, freetime...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Tmi1OxTibs

Lessons in love...

When you walk my way, I feel the rush come over me
a sharp panic, panic
it's the things that you say that makes the rush come over me...

If I walk away, I feel a push inside of me that won't let me leave
but what could I say for you to feel whats inside of me?

I got the lights in my eyes, and I'm fallin for you
Keep cool, stay tough... but that's never enough
These are the lessons in love...

Crying...

I'm not crying... It's just been raining on my face and if you think you see some tear tracks down my cheeks, please, please, don't tell my mates... I'm sitting at this table called love, staring down at the irony of life.

I love ZUMBA!!!

There's nothing like standing at the end of class, panting, sweaty and smiling because: Phew! You did it!
 
I love ZUMBA!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7Y256CNu7s

"you really love him, do you?"

"you really love him, do you?"

Yes, and this question made my face turn red and eyes all watery and heart quicken... ughhhh...
Red face, eleven years (almost), imagination, discourage...

...

CONFUSED... but HAPPY!

The difference...

Today I felt blue... I felt very bad... I was totally hurt... Then in the evening someone told me this sentence: ...the difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other. I couldn't say anything... just lost in thought... I recognised something I knew before but I did not want to admit...
 I became more frustrated and confused when my friend said something else: Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on the top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top becuase they value quality. Someday, somehow, somebody will love you too! 
..............................

Horrible, isn't it?

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.  
Neil Gaiman, The Sandman

:(

I feel blue. I should be happy but I feel blue...

I was wrong...

I got my degree in June. The last year was really tiring and it was a very hard period of my life... I thought I would never study at a university again. I was wrong...

Two months ago, I didn't want to learn any more. A month ago, I wanted to wait at least a year before starting a new course at a university. A week ago I decided to apply for a new course. So I am not finished learning... This is a very powerful statement and I am ready to believe it! I would like to be able to help kids and my school much better. I would like to meet people who inspire me. I would like to know more about school systems. I hope I can do my best for the kids and my school! I believe that being a teacher has been the best thing in the world for me. Not the easiest, but definitely the best!

Being a teacher...

I am really happy that our English camp has been successful! Kids enjoyed it very much! They learnt a lot while they had fun! It is the way how it worth to teach!!!! Thanks both the teachers and kids for these few funny days!!! I really became a teacher because I want to live a life of service to others, especially children. I want to show them the beauty, power and courage in them. I want to inspire the lives of many because it's not an opportunity but a challenge...Thanks!

Once in awhile...

"Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale..."

Good day...

I feel excited, I feel good! It is true that we only need a few good minutes to make our day. Anyway I still love dreaming... "I like dreamin'. Closing my eyes and feeling fine..."

People

In life, you will realize that the people you meet have a purpose. Some were put there to test you, some would use you, some would teach you, and some would bring out the better if not the best in you. Some may even cause you pain and heartache but one must learn to move on. So pray for the people who can’t treat you right, and thank God for those who love you back and see your worth.

New things

The world has changed a lot around me nowadays. There are many new things in my life but the pain is still there too.

Do you ever reminisce?

Do you ever think about me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQjmSO2aRMA

Sooo good...

University is over! I've finished it! I can't believe! It is sooo good to be free!!!
I can read whatever I want...
I can listen to music whenever I want...
I can sleep enough...
I can do housework in time...
I can play with my daughter whenever she needs me...
I can go to the lakeside to swim and sunbathe...
I can relax a lot...

I really enjoy being free!!! Ok, I'll learn a little bit from January but not earlier!!!

Kell még egy szó...

 I love it!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SNakJ5JXp4

Kell még egy szó, mielőtt mennél,
Kell még egy ölelés, ami végig elkísér,
Az úton majd néha, gondolj reám,
Ez a föld a tiéd, ha elmész, visszavár...

Destination

What is my desire? Where is my destination? Who can answer me these questions? Nobody but me... maybe my destinition is where my heart is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC-buPo8fLk

I have run out of my energy

I've run out of my energy, I have stomach ache, headache and I am weak. My last two months were really hard. I had to finish my thesis, I had to prepare for my last exam and I had many things to do at school and at the kindergarten as well. And I have a 6-year-old daughter who needs me as a playmate. We usually do everything together, so after school, we played, rode a bike or did some gardening together and I started learning when she went to bed. I do not complain but it was too much. It was too much and I even had to hide all my feelings.... I had and will always have battles in my soul... Now I try to relax a lot. I'll just sit in the garden, listen to music or do some sports and I try not to think of ...

Hurt

I said to much... my soul will be hurt again

"The most important of life's battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45GUQ992BWM

Catch your heart

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart...

Hardness...

"Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ."

Sorrow

The more I learn about you, stronger grows the sorrow cos ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBH20t6WEwM

Hiding my heart away...

...

"If you love somebody..."
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCji6Dz59A0

Prides

I am so proud of our schoolkids!!! They were amazing today. We went to an English Poetry Competition and we won 2 of 3 places in both categories. It was so pleasant to hear them telling poems. I really like poetry and I would like to endear poetry with kids. It won't be easy as we haven't got enough time for it in the material but I can try... I like dreaming...

I will never win this game...

This song is sooooo true...

I can't win, I can't reign I will never win this game without you,
I am lost, I am vain, I will never be the same without you,
I won't run, I won't fly I will never make it by without you,
 I can't rest, I can't fight all I need is you and I without you.

Can't erase, so I'll take blame but I can't accept that we're estranged without you,
I can't quit now, this can't be right I can't take one more sleepless night without you, 
I won't soar, I won't climb if you're not here, I'm paralyzed without you,
I can't look, I'm so blind I lost my heart, I lost my mind without you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUe8uoKdHao

Dream...

"At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable."

I got two tickets and a dream...
8:15 I'll save you a seat...

Today I had a dream... I hope it comes true once :)

It is harder and harder...

It's harder and harder not to say anything to someone who is very important to me. I know I should call, invite, explain, ask, say, state and most importantly tell... but I'm afraid... :( I have never been in such a situation...

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. "

Birthday party...

We had a big birthday party yesterday. Gréti and her friends had great time!!! We played a lot, had big meals, sang, danced and made some project works... The kids made really beautiful projects. After almost three hours inside we went out and did some outdoor activities. They enjoyed it very much!!!

The last kid went home after eight... then I was cleaning for more than an hour because the house was in ruins!!! Now it looks similar than before :)

I need to know

I love this song...
Tell me cuz I need to know...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLVzw9wVd9o

The right place...

It is sooo hard when you can't show your feelings... You can't cry if you are soooo happy and can't scream if you are shocked!!! Sometimes I'd need a place where I can be alone and can cry or scream. I need this place right now!!! 

Easter

Words that encourage us, lights of faith that surround us, wonderful moments: this is the Easter that make us find again the hope...

I've just found and like it :)

Kiss the rain...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so6ExplQlaY
It is soooo beautiful...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6ytdHuOccA

Hurt

I want to help but I can't... it's sooooo frustrating :(
It just hurts so much to know that I can't do a thing....

Mistakes

I should make my decisions without any personal feelings but I can't... :( If someone is close to you, you judge that person differently. I know it's a mistake but it's okay to make mistakes... mistakes are our teachers - they help us to learn.

What if...

Today I couldn't get rid of the "what if ..." thought. I had been waiting for seven years.... before the miracle came into my life. Birth is a breathtaking wonder! For some moments in life there are no words.... But what if...? May I ever feel the same? 

Love actually

After this part was shown to me one day, I can't stop watching it....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KtVKu9CfDA

A big hug...

Today I was waiting for a big hug. Am I just dreaming?

Spring breeze

I am sitting on a chair outside my open terrace and I can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against my face. I am blissful while I am looking back at my life and all that I’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships I’ve developed and all the challenges, difficulties and hardships I’ve overcome. Some questions arise to me: How did I do it? What matters to me most? What are my deepest values?   What should I do next? And how? Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when all the world collapsed? Where are you now when I am still waiting?

Now I know one thing for sure: I am alone.... but there is Someone who can always help me! 

Love hurts...

Everyone talks about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts.

I am afraid you don't want me to say anything...

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. But those words may forever stay in my heart locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.

Hope

There are some moments when I feel like I lost everything important to me and I feel like I lost my true self. There are a few minutes when I prefer to be invisible. Who makes me feel it, is the one who arouses deep emotions in me. I try to answer the questions, but I realize that there is no reason to ask, the answers are within me. If I feel lost, then there is the hope that all will be better. Happiness is always knocking when you do not expect it. Hope is a good thing, I do not want to lose it!

Sleep does not come easily

Walking, working, barely breathing
My thoughts, far away
Heart aching, mind racing
Sleep does not come easily, nor last long....

Sometimes

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

...

I climbed up the door and opened the stairs,
Said my pajamas and put on my prayers,
Then I turned off the bed and crawled into the light
All because you said me goodnight!

Have you got a brook in your little heart

Emily Dickinson

Have you got a brook in your little heart

Have you got a brook in your little heart,  
Where bashful flowers blow,  
And blushing birds go down to drink,  
And shadows tremble so?  
   
And nobody, knows, so still it flows,        
That any brook is there;  
And yet your little draught of life  
Is daily drunken there.  
   
Then look out for the little brook in March,  
When the rivers overflow,          
And the snows come hurrying from the hills,  
And the bridges often go.  
   
And later, in August it may be,  
When the meadows parching lie,  
Beware, lest this little brook of life         
Some burning noon go dry! 

Reason...

My new favourite: You are the reason I breathe... JAI HO

How true! The problem hasn't changed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaBfnmVwDt8